Breathe Me
by writeyournameintherain
Summary: I suck at summaries but yeah alternative continuation of season 4, some happy fluffy stuff, some not so happy fluffy stuff. Ballie 3
1. Chapter 1

Allie had relapsed and once the numb feeling she had craved was gone she regretted it instantly, she couldn't remember falling asleep but she remember waking up on the cold,hard floor of the equipment room, a place that was once sacred to the blonde now the home of her regrets. Drenched in sweat and shaking she had managed to regain enough sense to make her way to medical. At this stage she didn't care who was watching her as she made her way there,she just needed to get help, her life was currently falling apart but she knew she wasn't going to let herself fall back down that dark hole again.

She eventually stumbled through the door and fell into the arms of Bridget Westfall, unable to support her own weight any longer. Bridget gently propped her in a chair and gave her a cup of water encouraging her to drink. A while later after the shaking had stopped and Allie was as close to normal as she was going to get Bridget asked the blonde to try and explain what was going on. Upon this request Allie pulled out a small bag containing the remnants of the White powder from her pocket, "I can't remember exactly who gave it me, but I know I didn't want it, they caught me when I was vulnerable. I was weak." ALLIE burst into tears and Bridget rested an arm on allies knee crouched in front of her "I know, I know" she reassured her. "So here's what we're going to do about it"

Allie spent about a month in medical working with Bridget, she wanted to do everything she could to mean she could stay clean, all the time with Bea on her mind, even when they weren't anywhere near okay Bea was still her motivation. Allie was finally ready to leave the medical centre and as she was gathering her things to leave Bridget nervously grabbed her arm, the two girl had built up quite the rapport during the previous weeks and Bridget knew she had to tell Allie now before she left. "Fuck, this is unprofessional" she muttered under her breathe, "what's unprofessional" Allie replied, a hint of concern in her voice. "don't ask me how Novak because I can't tell you that but I do know she loves you" Bridget then opened the door to the medical centre for Allie to walk through and escorted her back to her block. These words ran through Allies mind repeatedly, Bridget didn't say a name but Allie knew exactly who 'She' was. Bridget had no reason to lie to her so these words were her hope.

As they approached H3 Allie realised after all that had happened she couldn't go back to life there, she couldn't go back to Kaz. Before she could panic too much she swerved quickly around and tried to walk away as fast possible to ensure no one from her old crew saw her go. Eventually Bridget caught the blonde up and demanded to know what was going on "we've worked so hard, you've come far, what just happened!"

Allie looked confident for the first time since her relapse and turned to Bridget and said "if I want to stay strong and on the right track I need to get away from Kaz's crew. I'm going to see the governor to apply for a transfer."

Allie confidence slipped again as she approached the office door, she knocked limply and with the consent of the governor entered the room. She had made her request and had been sat for about 10 minutes in awkward silence waiting for a response as the governor tapped away at her keyboard. The silence was eventually broken by Vera as she took her hands away from the computer. "If it was anyone else Novak I'd say it was their lucky day but given your history I'm not so sure you'll be keen." "Due to Sonia's departure last week, there's a spare cell... In H1".

Allie knew that it was extremely risky but she didn't stop for long to think about it, Red curls blurring her thoughts "when can I move in." She replied whilst trying and failing to appear confident.

Everything moved faster than Allie had expected she waited in the office and Will Jackson was sent with the help of Miles to pack up Allies things from H3, Bridget had explained the situation to Vera and encouraged her to take action immediately and that's exactly what happened.

20 minutes later Jackson appeared in the office door carrying two brown boxes filled with all of Allies possession, he smiled at the governor and Bridget and then he turned to Allie, gestures towards the corridor and said "come on Novak, we haven't got all day" half jokingly.

When they arrived at H1 all the girls were at their work duties so once Jackson had placed the boxes down and left Allie had plenty of time to unpack and unnerve herself before the woman she loved would appear in front of her.

Allie had stuck the last photograph on the board above her and was now sitting nervously on the edge of her bed anticipating nervously the return of the H1 girls. She'd began to calm when she was brought back to her senses with the noise of Boomer shouting, "um Bea, what the fuck is that one doing here" and Allie realised how potentially stupid this decision had been and began to tear up.

Bea shoved Boomer out of the way and walked inside Allies new cell "I was just thinking that myself Booms, explain now because I'm not listening to you for long" Bea spat out angrily. Allie quickly explained the situation to Bea which was responded to with just a nod of the head from Bea before she turned to leave.

She couldn't bare to watch her walk away and without thinking grabbed her hand and shouted "let me explain!"

"You just did didn't you" Bea snarled as she pulled her hand away from Allies making an attempt to leave again.

"You know that's not what I meant Bea" Allie replied with a new softness in her voice, the voice The top dog had longed to here again for so long and despite all of her anger this voice still made her melt inside. This voice stopped Bea in her tracks. She ushered all the other girls away from the door and just before slamming it closed proclaimed "you have ten minutes Novak".


	2. Chapter 2

Once the door had closed leaving the two girls alone Allie burst into tears and buried her head in her pillow, "you're wasting your time now Allie and you're wasting mine" Bea said trying to sound very bored whilst in reality was holding back her tears. Allie eventually looked up at her once she had stopped crying her eyes red and puffy she proceeded to sit up and she limply against the wall hugging her knees and the pillow tight. "You know it goes round and round in my head, every minutes of every miserable day. It never leaves. I dragged you out of that water and i lay you on the floor lifeless Bea. It hurt me so much seeing the woman I was falling in love with like that. Fuck, I had no idea what to do but I there was no way I could let you go I tried everything I could until Jackson pulled me off you, I was crying and screaming because I thought you weren't gonna come back to me! I don't think you understand what you mean to me Bea Smith. If you would have died that night I would have died with you without a second thought." This was all followed by a long pause "and it kills me every day to know that you hate me." Allie went to look up at Bea for the first time after having avoided eye contact the whole time she had been speaking but she had to lower her gaze as she found Bea with her back against the wall sat on cell floor, she was making no attempt to try and hide the fact she was crying. Everything finally made sense in Beas head with the words of Maxine and the sincerity and hurt of everything Allie had just said she realised how wrong she had been about all this. She buried her head in her hands and no matter how much she wanted to couldn't stop crying until She felt a hand on top of hers that sent a familiar warmth through her body. A warmth she had missed and not realised she had craved. Allie moved Beas hands away from her face and took them in her own, "we could be okay you know Bea? We could make this work!"

Bea grabbed Allies hand tighter still in tears "I hate myself for believing them over you Allie but was falling for you hard and I was confused I don't think anyone in there right mind would ever love me. At least I didn't think that. Until now, i was so wrong" she couldn't hold back any longer, she took one hand out of Allies and rested it on the younger girls face, she pulled her in and kissed her hard. Allie pulled back causing Bea to momentarily panic. Allie smiled, "I've missed you so much" and pulled Bea back in. "I'm sorry" Bea said causing the kiss to be broken a second time. Allie stood up grabbed, Beas hands and pulled her up too, she laced her arms around Beas waist looked and deep into her eyes "I know." Bea buried her head into Allies neck and sighed they stayed like this for a long time, Allie holding Bea close to her "I love you" The red head whispered into Allies hoodie she had not been expecting her to hear but she heard a hitch in Allies breathe "Bea Smith. I never thought I'd get the chance to tell you this but I love you too"


End file.
